Monthly Archives: September 2010

Freedom During The Prayer Room 09-22-2010 3:00-4:00pm

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Today while I was doing my prayer shift in the prayer room God set me free from being insecure around His love. I can now see how I had been trusting in myself not in God. Which is so foolish because I am the human, the one who is sinful by nature and needs God to overcome it, why on earth I would trust in myself over him confuses me. Confusing or not though the fact, the truth, is I have been. I have been living life with this selfish mentality of, “Okay God once I see you show up I’ll come bring my sacrafice(my life, my heart) to wherever your fire is. You just show up and I’ll come running.” When I need to be saying, “Okay God here is my life, my sacrafice, I’m trusting you to show up, come bring the fire.” I have been so foolish in telling God I want his fire to be constantly ready for me… I should want to be constantly ready for God’s fire not God’s fire constantly ready for me.

The fact is when I am constantly ready for God’s fire, I am going to be consatntly in this process of purification and made into the spotless bride of Christ.  When I am constantly ready for God’s fire I will constantly be intimate with God. He is yearning for every moment that we give him to come. He is yearning to take every chance we give him to make us more like his son. He longs for us to have such a true love and trust in Him that we will wait with our sacrafice and trust He is moving even when we can not tangible see or feel it.

But the reality for most of us is we are too scared to trust in God’s character, the God the Bible describes and tells about, to live life like that. We sit and wait to see God move and then bring our sacrafice to Him. We say okay well now that you have shown up I’m going to open up and let you pour into me. The danger with this mindset is we are not going to see the move of God in the places Satan has spiritually b[L]inded us, the areas we need God most.

I want to have such a confidence in God’s character that I really trust Him. Meaning, I trust Him to see the intention of my heart and to make it clear and convicting when I am not living life as I should; I trust Him to be working and changing me even when I feel nothing, not struggle, not growth, not excitement, I “feel” stagnant. Meaning, I trust Him and know that as much as I do not want myself to be stagnant, HE does not want me stagnant and will not let me remain stagnant. Meanign, I trust Him when He says He wants to see us be more like His son therefore if I feel stagnant and I have told Him to come correct whatever I am doing wrong in my prayer life and I get no new direction from Him, I keep pressing in, I keep doing the last thing He directed me to do knowing that He must be planting seeds and sowing in me and He is not allowing me to see the fruit. Meaning, I trust Him to be taking me through the fire and peeling the b[L]ind[ER]s off my heart and giving Him the time and patcience He asks for.

He loves us so much when we say, “God here I am. Come.” He is going to be way more faithful to us than we are to Him when He tells us, “Here I am. Come.” We will have so many more encounters with Him when we allow him to be the encounterer(the one who shows up) not the one encountered(the one who is waiting for someone to show up) I want to be the encountered not the encounterer.

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Fast

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We are doing a 21 day corporate fast at my school(Lee University) and as I was seeking God on whetherI was suppose to participate and if so what I was suppose to fast, He gave me a crazy thing to give up. Touch was what I was suppose to fast, yes, all touch(that I can control). When I am completely honest I really struggled with coming to a place where I coul say yes to fasting touch and being obedient to God for a couple reasons. The first reason being, touch is one of my biggest love languages, the idea and thought of going 3 weeks with out letting people touch me and with out touching people almost made me cry. The second reason was, I do not like when people know I am fasting. Fasting for me is something between me and God, other people do not need to know to benifit from my fast and more thank likely would not benifit by knowing about it. When I think of things to fast I think of things people can not notice me fasting. Touch is not just something people would notice but I would have to tell people(so both the observant and unobservant will know.) I do/did not want this fast to be about me in any way and I really struggled with the fact I would have to tell people I was fasting. Especially since it was such a unique fast, touch, who has ever heard of that… I knew people would give reactions to that and I did not want reactions. 

I decided I would not do touch, and went back to praying for discrenment on what I was suppose to fast. Every idea I came up with did not work or make sense it was like it was lacking something, and it was, it was lacking God. I kept feeling this tug towards touch and finally God was able to woo me into the idea of not doing touch by telling me His reasons(Or at least some of I’m sure he has more reasons that I cannot even comprehend) for why He wanted me to fast touch.

He wants me to get back to a desperation where I have to have Him to be loved. He has to become my first and strongest love language. This fast is making me rely on him to be my strength to get through the day with joy(Psalm 28:7) He is all I have to touch me and I have no choice but to rely on Him. He also wants me to get my focus back on Him when it comes to my mind(heart)set while I love people. He wants me to be fully aware that everytime  I touch someone everytime  I make someone feel loved ITS NOT ME. It is Him and it is His love through me, I’m simply a tool that should count it  ablessing he chose to use me to love them through. He yearns for me to go back to the heart where I do not want to claim it as mine but rather when I love someone I am thinking and praying yes God more of your love on them, touch them because only you can bring the change, love, and satisfaction needed. To steal words from my friend Steven, He wants me to be spending my whole life for a legacy, not my own legacy, God’s legacy.

That made it make more sense for why I needed to fast touch but I was still uneasy about the fact people had to know. And I felt like God told me this is not going to be a fast that is between you and me. People are going to benefit by know ing and being aware of your fast. This fast is suppose to teach people, this fast is going to bring clarity about what fasting is to several people. He told me this fast is going to bring me alot of knowledge on God’s heart towards fasting and the importance of it and why we do it in a way no one has ever really talked about it before. So if you continue to read this I want to say right now everything I have said and do say, TAKE IT TO GOD, I can not over emphasize that point! Go and ask him what he thinks of it, do not take what I am saying as scripture or straight from God. I want you to go back to God and wrestle through it with him. I would love to have people tell me that they felt God saying something completely different when they prayed about it. That fact alone means this blog brought someone to the secret place with God which means it is not a waste.  The words that I say are an inventation from God and starting place for you to work through what fasting is for you and him personally.

Lesson #1 That I Learned about fasting:

-Be disciplined in fasting but do not be legalistic.
           As I start this fast God has said that I can lay my hand on someone when I pray for them and someone can lay thier hand on me when they pray for me. God has also said, People will no be able to lay thier hands on me the entire time (I will still lay hands on people though.) I was asking God what the point for that was and why it was not going to be just one way the entire time. I thought that by me changing the fast it meant I was “breaking” the fast. He said very cleary, “Becasue I said so.” A veil got lifted off my eyes right then. We are to obey God. The best way to be disciplined in your fast is by obeying God and doing what the spirit leads you to do. Do not worry about human thoughts that people are thinking. If they are thinking you cannot make up your mind, or you “broke” your fast and therefore have no discipline(that can go into a side lesson on trust but I’m not going there right now, maybe later on.)  It is not about what people think and the second you do not do what you discern the spirit is telling you to do out of fear of what people may think you have lost the point and heart of God toward fasting. You have allowed legalism to come into your fast and limit the move and work of God.

Unsatisfied

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God has been so good to me and I am in complete awe and thanks for all He has done to and through me. I am being so encouraged by testimonies left and right and seeing GOd answer my own prayers in the alone time with Him. His love is so strong as so oversatisfying. 

I am so unsatisfied with how little glory it feel like I am giving God though and how little my life is glorifying him. I want and yearn to glorify him so much that when people look at me they think Jesus and want to start shouting in thanks and praise and giving Him all the glory the world has to give because it is His.

I love how God is drawing people into the secret placxe with him on our campus and He is revealing Himself to individuals on our campus. I feel like Lee Univeristy has come so far from where we ended off last semester and we are trying to point all eyes to Jesus and our hearts yearn for ti be about God. But I am unsatisfied with how little I see him getting glorified on our campus. I yearn and am praying for the day to come where I walk across campus and all I think is glory be to God and I see Jesus in and on and covering every student of Lee University.

It is a big dream but that is what God loves. I am praying that we would just open the door to Jesus to come into Lee, Cleveland, TN, America, The world and we just fall on our faces and say Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty who was and is and is to come. Like in Revelation 4:8. I long to break free of this boredom and selfishness that has my generation and the generation under me especially trapped and entangled. I long to see the freedom that is necessary to have God’s name lifted high and glorified like deserved.