Today while I was doing my prayer shift in the prayer room God set me free from being insecure around His love. I can now see how I had been trusting in myself not in God. Which is so foolish because I am the human, the one who is sinful by nature and needs God to overcome it, why on earth I would trust in myself over him confuses me. Confusing or not though the fact, the truth, is I have been. I have been living life with this selfish mentality of, “Okay God once I see you show up I’ll come bring my sacrafice(my life, my heart) to wherever your fire is. You just show up and I’ll come running.” When I need to be saying, “Okay God here is my life, my sacrafice, I’m trusting you to show up, come bring the fire.” I have been so foolish in telling God I want his fire to be constantly ready for me… I should want to be constantly ready for God’s fire not God’s fire constantly ready for me.
The fact is when I am constantly ready for God’s fire, I am going to be consatntly in this process of purification and made into the spotless bride of Christ. When I am constantly ready for God’s fire I will constantly be intimate with God. He is yearning for every moment that we give him to come. He is yearning to take every chance we give him to make us more like his son. He longs for us to have such a true love and trust in Him that we will wait with our sacrafice and trust He is moving even when we can not tangible see or feel it.
But the reality for most of us is we are too scared to trust in God’s character, the God the Bible describes and tells about, to live life like that. We sit and wait to see God move and then bring our sacrafice to Him. We say okay well now that you have shown up I’m going to open up and let you pour into me. The danger with this mindset is we are not going to see the move of God in the places Satan has spiritually b[L]inded us, the areas we need God most.
I want to have such a confidence in God’s character that I really trust Him. Meaning, I trust Him to see the intention of my heart and to make it clear and convicting when I am not living life as I should; I trust Him to be working and changing me even when I feel nothing, not struggle, not growth, not excitement, I “feel” stagnant. Meaning, I trust Him and know that as much as I do not want myself to be stagnant, HE does not want me stagnant and will not let me remain stagnant. Meanign, I trust Him when He says He wants to see us be more like His son therefore if I feel stagnant and I have told Him to come correct whatever I am doing wrong in my prayer life and I get no new direction from Him, I keep pressing in, I keep doing the last thing He directed me to do knowing that He must be planting seeds and sowing in me and He is not allowing me to see the fruit. Meaning, I trust Him to be taking me through the fire and peeling the b[L]ind[ER]s off my heart and giving Him the time and patcience He asks for.
He loves us so much when we say, “God here I am. Come.” He is going to be way more faithful to us than we are to Him when He tells us, “Here I am. Come.” We will have so many more encounters with Him when we allow him to be the encounterer(the one who shows up) not the one encountered(the one who is waiting for someone to show up) I want to be the encountered not the encounterer.